What the Hell Just Happened Here? How I became Suddenly Single
So when you announce you're divorcing, people want to know why. It's like a car crash, they want to look at the wreckage. They want to convince themselves it's not going to happen to them, to insulate themselves in their happy little bubble.
And our family, we are the first in our circle to pass through the D word. So our friends are scared that it may happen to them. Even worse, the circle of weddings hasn't even finished yet. Talk about awkward, we have already RSVP'd to a few as a couple.
So how did I end up here? It's a long story with a fast ending. Ending first, then the long story. My ex-husband decided to hit the children. Not spanking. Not on the bum. I found out, notified authorities, and out the door he went, strongly encouraged by social workers.
The long story now. He always had anger issues, and had to leave the house because he started hitting a few years earlier. He went to counselling, he took anger management classes, and figured out how to control his temper. We were separated for 18 months before he convinced me he had dealt with his anger. Then we reconciled and he moved back home. Things were good for a while, we were happy, and decided to have another baby.
Then we got into a bad car accident. His back injuries were severe, and caused him unrelenting pain. The doctors offered no cure, only pain pills and physiotherapy. Things started to go south. Then our much wanted baby was born, and all of a sudden the stress in our home increased exponentially. Between the stress of the baby, the pain, the medicines, the lack of sleep and the other kids, he failed to cope. The anger came back.
He was Jekyll and Hyde, and we all learned to recognize his moods. When he was happy, we all loved being around him. when he wasn't - all of us walked on eggshells. The atmosphere in our home was toxic.
I saw the anger coming, I begged him to go back to counselling and his anger classes. But he was in a place where he couldn't see what he was becoming. It was my fault, it was the kids fault. If only we were better, he wouldn't get so mad. With his emotions he was explosive, the kids would hide when they heard him get upset. With words he was viscous, to me and the kids. In some ways, I regret not leaving then. I stayed, hopping he would get the help he so desperately needed. This was our family, our marriage, and we said for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. And he was sick and broken.
He started hitting the dog. I booked both of us for counselling, and again, the blame, the justifications came out. It was my fault for not taking care of him, the kids, the house, the dog well enough. I gave him an ultimatum - Get better or we're done. I stayed for a few reasons. One, money. I was a stay at home mom, and we were already living paycheck to paycheck. Daycare for an infant was more than any salary I would earn. Two, all of the incidences were my word against his. I was worried about joint custody. How would I protect the kids if he had them half the time away from me. Three, I hoped we would get through this.
Then I got a text message - from him admitting he had been hitting the kids. And suddenly I was a single mom, with three kids, and no way to support myself. And I became MadMom.
And our family, we are the first in our circle to pass through the D word. So our friends are scared that it may happen to them. Even worse, the circle of weddings hasn't even finished yet. Talk about awkward, we have already RSVP'd to a few as a couple.
So how did I end up here? It's a long story with a fast ending. Ending first, then the long story. My ex-husband decided to hit the children. Not spanking. Not on the bum. I found out, notified authorities, and out the door he went, strongly encouraged by social workers.
The long story now. He always had anger issues, and had to leave the house because he started hitting a few years earlier. He went to counselling, he took anger management classes, and figured out how to control his temper. We were separated for 18 months before he convinced me he had dealt with his anger. Then we reconciled and he moved back home. Things were good for a while, we were happy, and decided to have another baby.
Then we got into a bad car accident. His back injuries were severe, and caused him unrelenting pain. The doctors offered no cure, only pain pills and physiotherapy. Things started to go south. Then our much wanted baby was born, and all of a sudden the stress in our home increased exponentially. Between the stress of the baby, the pain, the medicines, the lack of sleep and the other kids, he failed to cope. The anger came back.
He was Jekyll and Hyde, and we all learned to recognize his moods. When he was happy, we all loved being around him. when he wasn't - all of us walked on eggshells. The atmosphere in our home was toxic.
I saw the anger coming, I begged him to go back to counselling and his anger classes. But he was in a place where he couldn't see what he was becoming. It was my fault, it was the kids fault. If only we were better, he wouldn't get so mad. With his emotions he was explosive, the kids would hide when they heard him get upset. With words he was viscous, to me and the kids. In some ways, I regret not leaving then. I stayed, hopping he would get the help he so desperately needed. This was our family, our marriage, and we said for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. And he was sick and broken.
He started hitting the dog. I booked both of us for counselling, and again, the blame, the justifications came out. It was my fault for not taking care of him, the kids, the house, the dog well enough. I gave him an ultimatum - Get better or we're done. I stayed for a few reasons. One, money. I was a stay at home mom, and we were already living paycheck to paycheck. Daycare for an infant was more than any salary I would earn. Two, all of the incidences were my word against his. I was worried about joint custody. How would I protect the kids if he had them half the time away from me. Three, I hoped we would get through this.
Then I got a text message - from him admitting he had been hitting the kids. And suddenly I was a single mom, with three kids, and no way to support myself. And I became MadMom.
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